


Transmogrification

by Vatta (Vitani)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, I think?, M/M, Species Dysphoria, Underage - Freeform, after game AU, i should tag for terrible tagging skills, mentions of species dysmorphia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-13 13:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vitani/pseuds/Vatta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many questions swimming around in your head. But mostly you’re concentrating on what you’re going to say to everyone. Okay, so you don’t want to see <i>everyone</i>, but if they are all here then you <i>are</i> going to see them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sollux: Wake up.

You slowly rouse from your nap. It’s dark outside and your head is pleasantly clear of dayterrors and headaches. You can hear the sopor swishing in your recuperacoon as you shift, and it feels nice, warm, home.

_Quiet._

Then you remember that you haven’t slept in sopor since your team lost your session. That was a  _long_  time ago.

The game. You almost forgot.

Where are you?

You crack your eyes open only to feel the stinging of the fluid in them, you suck in a sharp breath in shock, and choke. There’s a funny taste in your mouth, whatever you’re breathing tastes too sweet. You reach a hand up and there’s a mask on your face, covering your nose and mouth, you run your fingers over it, when you reach the back of your neck you find it’s covering the bottom half of your face and your entire neck.

You try to wrench it off but it’s latched on pretty tight. You worm your fingers under the top edge, kick at the wall of your- no, what is this thing?

You hear an alarm, it’s loud and piercing, but also muffled, as if it’s outside of this metal, echoing chamber. You concentrate on trying to gather your psionics to blast your way out, but you must have been dosed up with something, because they’re not coming.

Everything seems distant. You feel lightheaded. What is even going on?

You calm yourself as much as you can with that obnoxious ringing going off in the background.

Okay, time to figure out what’s going on. Starting off with the game.

Did you guys win?

You don’t feel dead. Or even half dead, come to think of it. You do feel strange though.

It starts to come back to you slowly, patchy. You did win. Then there was someone trolling all of you at the same time, telling you that you would all receive your ‘prize’ soon. Then all you can remember was sitting around for a few hours just waiting.

Then everyone started dying.

Just dropping to the ground, not breathing. No warning. Everything happened so fast.

You thought it was some kind of sick joke. After everything you guys went through, every fight, every death, you would just all be picked off one by one by some unseen force as an afterthought.

Then you felt a sharp shooting pain like someone wrenched your spine from your body and your brain was being pulled out through the base of your skull down with it, your eyes stung from tears and you felt so cold. Then everything went black.

So this is your prize? The game killed you, to bring you here. Wherever here is.

You hear a loud tapping and you look around, eyes stinging and then suddenly you feel a rush of chill and your entire body feels heavy. You blink and your eyes don’t sting quite as much this time, you lift an arm to rub at them.

Wow, your arm feels like lumps of jelly, the fluid must have been drained out of this… Tank?

You blink a few times to clear your vision, squint, look around, everything looks-

_Dark._

And blurry of course, but mainly just dark, maybe it’s just because you seem to be in some kind of metal pod.

You hear the tapping again and turn to a source of light which must be a door and  _holy shit that’s an imperial drone!_

You jolt and hit your head on the top of the tank, you wince, and you must be really drugged up because you didn’t even feel your horns hit the wall.

The drone doesn’t do anything for a while, just stares at you unblinking. It doesn’t seem to be too threatening though. It’s actually really small, probably shorter than you. It’s white with grey patches on it’s chest plate and big black eyes. It gestures with it’s claws, and you think it wants you to come out of your little cubbyhole. You don’t really want to, but perhaps this is all because of the session. Surely it wouldn’t drop you somewhere dangerous.

You decide you will come out when you start thinking about the session again, because what if everyone else is here? You could really do with seeing Aradia right now.

You put your hand on the top wall to push yourself down and your fingers sink into an indent in the metal, you grope around blindly and feel another hole close under it, they must be there to help you climb out, so you use them to shuffle down to the opening. The drone grabs you by the arm when you’re halfway out and you freeze. It looks at you and tilts it’s head in question.

It doesn’t look like it’s going to cull you.

It taps your leg with it’s other set of claws and you flinch. It’s being really gentle though, so you decide to slide out the rest of the way. When you put one of your feet on the floor you suddenly feel exhausted and almost slump to the ground, but it catches you on one of it’s arms, and you notice it’s not as spiky as you remember drones being.

You look around and find you’re both alone in a small room with a large set of monitors and computer panels in one corner hooked up to the tank. The drone helps you stand and puts both of it’s hands on your shoulders to steady you once you’re up, and yes, you are taller than it. This makes you feel a little safer, it seems strong, but you can easily handle it with your psionics if anything happens.

You think about trying your powers again, but you don’t want to scare it and have it attack you.

Also you don’t want it to know you can’t seem to access them right now. That would make you seem weak. And you don’t want to look weak in front of an imperial drone.

Thinking about it, what if there isn’t anyone else here? What of you ended up in a special facility on Alternia because of your psionics. What if they did something to disable your powers. What would you do if you never saw any of your friends again.

Your snapped out of your little freak out as the creature backs away slightly, making little clicking noises of reassurance, slowly releasing your shoulders and holding it’s claws out to make sure you don’t fall straight away. You rearrange your feet to stand more naturally. You still can’t really see and everything still seems kind of dark, but your head’s starting to feel less fuzzy. You must have been drugged, that’s all.

You probably shouldn’t feel relieved about being given debilitating sedative. You do though.

Once it’s happy you’re not going to fall over and smash out your teeth, again, it heads over to the computer in the corner of the room.

Speaking of teeth-

You reach your hand up to your mouth to find out the state the game left you in, only to remember you have a mask on, how did you forget that Sollux, wake up. You try and feel around your mouth with your tongue but you can’t even lift it from the bottom of your palette, it feels thick, heavy. And kind of numb.

You shake your head to try and clear your thoughts. Everything seems so distant still, you don’t feel right. There’s a small ball of dread forming in the pit of your stomach but you try and ignore it, everything has been fine so far. And it’s going to keep being fine.

You just need to see AA, KK or FF, or even TZ, KN, anyone really. You’ll even settle for RL or DR right now, they would probably be perfectly calm in this situation and would be able to talk you through whatever’s going on. Not that you need reassuring, you’re fine. Just fine.

Everything is fine. Deep breaths.

The drone comes back over to you with a long printout folded up in one of it’s sets of claws. It turns to you and you think it’s going to show you the paper at first, but it puts it on a table and just rests a hand on your back and reaches up to unclip the mask from the side.

It’s not as pleasant as you were hoping it would feel to be rid of it.

You cough and splutter and almost collapse again, the air here feels heavy in your lungs and it burns, the drone takes pity on you and offers you the mask again. You take a few breaths from it, then pull it away and take two of the air, alternating like that until you’re lightheaded and you can’t feel the burning anymore.

It probably took over five minutes to get used to the air, but you’re starting to feel things bleed into a more, non-surreal light now, so you don’t mind.

Once you’ve got the hang of breathing normally the drone wraps one set of smooth claws around your upper arm, it’s hand feels cold on your skin, you don’t even flinch this time. You try to look down at it’s hand but everything’s still dim and fuzzy. You scrub at your eyes with your opposite hand. It just makes it worse and now you see little stars dancing in front of your eyes, you follow them down the wall and back up when they disappear from your vision.

The drone tugs at your arm and you stare at it dumbly for a few seconds, you feel so suave and collected right now. It tugs again more insistently, but not enough to actually drag you along. You feel strangely comfortable in this creature’s presence, which is odd, because you’ve grown up fearing these things. Sure this one is tiny, and friendly, but how did you not have a heart attack when you first saw it. Were all those sweeps of conditioning just washed out of you with everything you’ve seen in the game?

You put that to the back of your mind and try to remember how to put one foot in front of the other, when you look at your feet you realise you’re not wearing shoes, when you notice this you worry that you’re naked, but you seem to have some kind of gown on.

Wow, you seriously cannot see anything right now.

The drone taps something into a keypad by the door and leads you down a long empty corridor, you fumble a few times but get the hang of walking again soon enough, your legs feel weird. Your entire body feels weird. The clicking of the claws on the drone’s feet echo all the way down the hallway, it’s eerie but the repetition is strangely relaxing and you start you drift off into a complete sense of thoughtlessness. The ball of dread in your stomach starts to tighten up again suddenly as the drone slows down and seems to be looking at every door you pass so intently you would swear it was looking through them with x-ray vision. Your worry is more nerves now. Surely, soon you’ll find out if everyone else is here somewhere, and if they are you’re going to see them.

But what about everyone who died. Does that even matter when everyone seemed to pass on just before you ended up here? You have so many questions, you wish there was someone else here with you.

There are so many questions swimming around in your head. But mostly you’re concentrating on what you’re going to say to everyone. Okay, so you don’t want to see  _everyone_ , but if they are all here then you  _are_  going to see them eventually.

The drone turns to an entrance and taps something into the plain pad there. You wonder if it’s just a pattern system, or if there’s something written on it you just can’t see. When the automated door swishes open you are met with another drone, this one’s taller than your escort, than you, and black with piercing red eyes. You wonder how many of these things there are.

It hisses a little at you and you jump as it taps at your chest with the back of one of it’s claws, you look down and don’t get it. When you look back up it’s pointing into the room. You peer around it’s shoulder and glance around the room, the drone holding your arm lets you go and nudges you further in, the door closes and it turns to the other one. they don’t say anything but they’re stood as if they’re talking, they must be communicating telepathically or at a pitch you just can’t hear.

You don’t worry about that though, because there’s someone else in the room with the three of you.

They’re sat on a bench in the far corner of the big empty room, legs pulled up to their chest and head resting on their knees, face hidden and dripping wet black hair obscuring anything you could see. They look kind of small, but not skinny from what you can tell from here. You slowly pad over to them and they tense when they hear you. They slowly lift their head, your vision is still fucked, but you can see just clear enough to tell from the colour of their skin and lack of horns that they’re human, but you don’t recognise them from the game.

“Hey, what’s your name?” Oh. You sound weird. You still have a lisp but you’re mouth feels funny, perhaps you’re still pretty sedated. You don’t have too much time to ponder why can’t feel your teeth pressing into your lip when he answers.

“Uhh, Karkat. Who are you?” You stand there for a few moments, processing that. Well, trying. you don’t succeed.

“Huh?”

He relaxes enough to slam his back against the wall and give you a long scrutinizing look. “I said, my name is Karkat. What are you pan-” he winces, “uhh, brain dead?”

You sit on the bench by his feet and just stare at him, you’re kind of focusing on him a little too hard to try and see him, you think he’s scowling at you. That is definitely him.

“KK?” His breath hitches. “Is that- why are you-” before you can actually gather enough wits to finish a single question he’s launched himself at you and is hugging you so tightly it actually hurts.

“Oh my fuck Sollux, I’m so glad it’s you.” You’re more than a little confused right now to say the least.

“Of course it’s me. What, didn’t you recognise me?” You try not to sound hurt when you say it, because it hasn’t been that long has it? Or maybe he just can’t see either.

His death grip on you loosens and he sits back on his knees, leaving his forearms resting loosely around your shoulders, his face is very close to yours. “What are you- Sollux.” He says starts talking carefully. “You haven’t seen yourself have you.” He has a weird look on his face, you can see him alright this close up so you don’t mind that you can feel his breath on your face.

“No. Why? Do I really look that terrible?” He reaches for one of your hands, clasps it in his own and lifts it between the two of you. At first all you notice is that he’s rubbing his thumb over your knuckles, then you can just about see through the dullness of the room that your hand is about the same colour as his if not a little paler. You immediately pull your hand from his and go to feel for your teeth again, sure enough, they’re not there. Well, not like you remember. You have flat human teeth and  _oh god_. “I’m a…” you pull your hand back from your mouth and stare at it in horror.

He takes your hand back in his own, lacing your fingers together and pulling it to his chest, using his other hand to pat your face, “Shh, it’s alright. So am I. We’re together. It’s going to be okay.”

You lean your face into his hand and close your eyes, deep breaths Sollux. Deep breaths. “So is everyone like this?” you ask.

You can hear his breathing get quieter, you wonder if the drones are still in here with you. You also wonder if he freaked out when he first saw that other one, it was probably over a foot taller than you and KK is shorter than you. He doesn’t answer you for a few seconds, until you open your eyes to look at him. He’s staring at you, and when he sees you noticed he immediately looks down and away. “I haven’t seen anyone else.”


	2. Dave: Act Natural.

After the first six people you ran into, you got used to the weird feeling of recognition. You can almost figure out which troll is which now. You’ve been playing a game of Guess Who with John for about an hour. You’re winning of course. Some of the trolls though, you never met and he somehow did. You can easily make out Kankri even though he’s oddly silent and withdrawn, you didn’t even mistake him for Karkat like John did, Kankri’s taller. Still kind of short though. You think the guy he came in with is Mituna, John got it first though because he isn’t his usual twitchy self and at first you guessed it was the other Captor, close though. Meenah was kind of obvious because of the braids and the glasses, the guy with her you knew but forgot the name of until he introduced himself to Dirk, Cronus, got to remember that, he was hilarious. In an ironic way.  

Everyone who was a human is still human and John tried cheating by naming them, well you guess you were cheating too, at first he didn’t have his glasses and couldn’t see anyone unless they were coming up and saying hi. But for some reason you had a spare pair of his nerdy specs in your sylladex. You were surprised you guys still even your sylladexes, what with the universe swap and all, but that weird giant bug thing handed it to you along with your strife specibii - full of all the weapons you acquired along the way - as you came into this huge ass room, so you gave him - or her? - a little ironic salute as you slipped on your spare set of shades and swaggered up to the party.

“Oh. Oh, I got this. TZ! Get your sexy butt over here.”

“Vriska! Oh my god, look at you!”

It only took you two sets of new arrivals to notice everyone was arriving in twos, and the trolls were arriving in blood hierarchy - or whatever you call it – order, which seems stupid, because they’re all human now, how do the giant bugs even know what order to bring them in?

“Dave. I am disappointed with you.” You pout at Terezi mockingly, you notice she isn’t blind - not that she was before the end of the game, but you had this weird thought in the back of your head that she would be.

“What’s wrong with me?” she gives you a grin, it’s not as creepy as it used to be, she’s actually pretty damn attractive now - not that you’re checking her out - she’s still pretty skinny from what you can tell, she still has her gown on. You changed into a spare set of clothes that you had in your sylladex as soon as you got it back.

She folds her arms, but that trademark Terezi shark grin never leaves her face. “I was hoping all you ‘pink monkeys’ were going to turn into trolls!” she sighs, “It’s a shame, I think you would make a nice troll.”

Vriska leans on her shoulder and looks you up and down, she’s put on her normal clothes and her glasses already, her hair’s still dripping all over the floor and there’s a damp patch around the neckline of her shirt, she’s actually kind of tall compared to how John made her sound, “Yeah, I’d love to see your horns. I bet they’d be way over the top.” She drags out the ‘waaaaaaaay’ and it makes her sound like a tool.

John snickers beside her, “yeah, only the coolest for Mr. Strider!” he puts a finger to his chin in thought. “I wonder what kind of horns I’d have?”

Vriska pokes him in the head with both of her index fingers, you guess where his horns would be if he had some. “I bet you would have some cute little nubby horns like Karkat. I think they would suit you! Perhaps it’s a leader thing.” she waves her hand vaguely in the direction Kankri was stood in a minute ago, but he’s moved so it kind of loses the effect.

After a short chat Terezi goes off to see Aradia and Tavros, Vriska stays with John, you remember him saying that something happened between all of them. She looks over at them and shuffles her feet like she feels a little out of place, you kind of feel bad for her.

You spend a lot of time observing everyone from behind the safety shield that is your shades, you’d probably get accused of being a creep if people realised how much you were staring. But you just can’t get over how they all look. You wouldn’t have even imagined Eridan would have blonde hair, or that Porrim would be that curvy. You suppose it’s all human hormones that have shaped people differently.

Rose and Jade arrived together, as you knew they would, and Jade immediately jumped and tackle hugged you, you caught onto her like a pro and don’t even stumble, not at all. Nope.

Rose came over a lot more dignified, nodding at Dirk as she passed him, she stopped in front of you and Jade slid down and disengaged from her life or death hugathon and stepped back.

Rose hugged you. It was nice, there was a while that you worried you’d never see her again.

All this hugging is seriously putting a damper on your cool-o-meter, but you can’t even find it in you to care right now, save caring about that for tomorrow, or the day after. Whenever all this shit is sorted out.

Right now you’re just happy all your friends are here.

You hear the door again, and quickly glance over at it. Two guys, but you don’t recognise either of them at first, you do a mental tally then you quickly try and figure who would come it at the same time.

You look at John and he has this totally perplexed look on his face

When you look back the shorter guy is right up in Jade’s space and wide eyed like he doesn’t believe what’s going on.

“Jade?”

She looks at him like she’s trying to figure out a crossword puzzle, before saying carefully, “Karkat?”

He hesitates and glances at a few other people. “Yeah.” He says it quietly, like he isn’t even sure if that’s who he is.

Jade almost full out squeals at him and lifts him into a hug. “You’re so cute!”

“Well I guess Harley wins that one.” You glance at the other guy, look over at Mituna and smirk. “Well obviously this is Sollux then.”

He raises an eyebrow at you and kind of squints, it reminds you of Aranea getting here and finding out she still needed her glasses. He probably needs some, but you aren’t even sure if his were glasses or just shades. It could just be you’ve never seen him without them and he always looks like that. The only version of him you saw without glasses didn’t have eyes, you don’t think. Weird guy.

“How do you know that? KK didn’t even recognise me.” He sort of drops his head a little, you recognise immediately that he’s miserable but hiding it pretty well.

John perks up and beats you to the answer. “You’ve been coming in in pairs! In your blood order too, which is weird. Because you know.” He lifts his arm and points at his wrist. “Blood.” He shrugs and drops his arm again. “Besides, Dave’s a pro at this. We’re playing Guess The Troll! He’s winning, but I’ve kind of lost count.” He rubs at the back of his neck and smiles at Karkat, who just has this confused look on his face and keeps looking between you, John and Jade, who’s let him go now but is still very much in his personal space.

“It can’t be blood order. I’m the lowest. Sollux isn’t. I would’ve come in with Aradia.”

John chuckles, “Yeah I thought that, but Aradia come in with Tavros. Kankri and Mituna came in together too! You know, you and your ancestor or whatever, look kind of… Similar. I’m surprised I didn’t guess as soon as you came in.”

Karkat’s eyes open a little wider and his head snaps around, he must be looking for Kankri, so you grab his shoulders and turn him in his direction, he jumps and tries to resist, but stops when he realises what you’re doing. Kankri is stood leaning up against a wall on his own, he looks sort of lonely.

“Have you even seen yourself?” He doesn’t look at you when he nods his head. “Then you see it, yeah?” He just nods again, faster this time. “I guess you guys are all the human equivalent of siblings now. Since you’re too young to be each other’s parents. That’d be weird anyway.” He swallows and you feel his shoulders shift, you should probably let him go, but he feels so tense it’s almost as if he could just run away. Honestly, you’re a little worried about him.

Some of the trolls haven’t seemed to take the change very well.

Kankri spots the two of you looking at him and Karkat jumps, he doesn’t make to come over though, just waves slightly and goes back to staring at the floor. You feel Karkat tense up like he does when he’s about to go into rage mode.

He pulls away from you and stomps over to Kankri, you’re not sure if you should follow him, but you look at Sollux and he’s fiddling with his sylladex, sat on the floor and hunched over, he’s switched his clothes and he looks like he’s searching for something he just can’t find. You decide to stay with him, Kankri can defend himself from Karkat.

“Hey.”

Sollux looks up at you a little too quickly to be natural. “Hi. Can I help you?”

You smirk and brush him off, offering your hand for him to stand. He doesn’t take it, just gets up by himself, so you shrug a shoulder at him and play it off as no big deal. “Nah man, just wondering what you were doing on the floor.”

He opens his mouth to say something, but instead he kind of chokes on the words. When he does speak he’s quiet. “I was just looking through my sylladex for something. Can’t find them though.” he was slowly trailing his eyes down the wall behind you as he was speaking, he snaps his eyes onto you when you speak.

“Your glasses?”

“Yeah, how did- nevermind, you’re apparently a fucking psychic or something. I wouldn’t be surprised if you guys switched out our powers or something.” He’s looking at the floor again and then your breath catches as you realise what he just implied.

“You had those telekinesis powers or something. Like Aradia, right?”

He cringes and nods. “Something like that. ‘Had’ being the operative word.”

“Shit man, that’s gotta suck. Can’t even pretend I would know how that feels.”

He looks around the room while he asks, “is she here?”

“Aradia? Yeah. No idea where she’s gone though, she was with Tav and TZ.”

“Oh. How is she? Is she okay with not having her powers anymore?”

You don’t really know how to answer that, or why he’s asking you. Sure you and Aradia got on, but you hardly ever spoke to her. You didn’t even say anything beyond ‘sup’ when she got here. “No idea man, she looked happy though. But then she could just be putting on a front. Girl after my own heart right there if she is.”

He snickers, and it’s kind of cute, at least he’s smiling. You’ve cheered up a few people today. That’s not generally you’re role but it’s kind of nice. You wonder if something did happen to you when you crossed over too. “At least she’s okay.” He glances around again, squinting and furrowing his brow. “I don’t recognise anyone. And why is it so fucking dark?”

“Dude.” He turns to you slowly. “It’s not dark. And I should know.” You tap at your shades for effect. “I can see fine.”

His eyes soften and his shoulders drop as he huffs. “Oh. I guess that’s something else I get to look forward too, huh.” He’s looking at the floor again, and _godammit would everyone stop doing that?_ If they all love the tiles so much why don’t they just marry them for fucks sake.

You put one hand on his shoulder, use the other to lift his chin to look at you. “Dude, it’s okay. It’s gonna take some acclimatising sure, but all your friends are here and-”

You are met with a rough shove sideways, away from Sollux. When you look over you see Karkat, and he looks pissed. “What. The fuck. Are you doing.”

You just stare at him for a few moments. “I have no idea?” his eyes narrow like he thinks you’re making a joke. “Seriously dude. What the fuck was that for?”

He pulls his lips back in an attempt at a snarl, then he physically shakes his head as if realising he just looks a little ridiculous. “I’ll spell this out for you Strider. You. do not. Fucking. Touch him.”

“KK. What the fuck?” Sollux’ eyes are wide and he looks so confused. More confused than you.

“See, even Captor has no idea what you’re going on about.”

Karkat stomps right up into your face and glares daggers at you, you think he’s going to punch you, and kick you, bite you, something. Until he jumps backwards as someone clears their throat.

“I believe that Karkat and Sollux should go and talk about this. Instead of doing something that someone may regret very soon due to being tired and in an unfamiliar environment. Yes?” You’ve never actually been glad to see Kankri before. You still aren’t. What the fuck did Karkat think he was doing? Being tired is no excuse to get violent with people. You still want to know what’s going on.

Karkat snorts at you, takes Sollux’ wrist and drags him over to an empty corner of the room, you turn to Kankri. “What the fuck was that?”

He makes a little sighing noise and looks a little sadly at you. You aren’t used to seeing any of these dead guys with eyes. Or even as humans, fuck this is all so weird still.

“There still seem to be some emotions left over from our previous incarnations. As humans, our brain chemistry is different, and I believe some people are having difficulties distinguishing between their feelings for people.” He glances over at them and makes a strange face that you can’t read.

“So what, are they dating or something? I didn’t even do anything, I was just trying to cheer him up, fuck, I just won’t bother anymore.” You throw your arms in the air, you can’t be bothered with all this bullshit.

“No, that’s not quite it.” He looks like he doesn’t even know what ‘it’ is.

“So, what is going on with them?”

He has a different expression now, one that tells you he’s not too comfortable with this topic. You’ve never been one for facial expressions, but it is kind of nice how both him and Karkat are so easy to read, it’s like you don’t need to try hard to figure out what they’re thinking.

“I don’t think this is something we should be discussing, as it is their private business, and not ours.” As he’s talking he’s turning around and walking away from you, so you follow him, about to protest when he glances back and looks like he’s making sure you are following. “They have a complicated relationship from what I can tell. I’ve always personally interpreted it as an unhealthy Moiraillegance.” Okay you know what Moirails are, but how would an unhealthy- “You see, I think they both care about each other a lot. But often they just-” he taps a finger to his lips, trying to figure out the words. “They are both very volatile.”

“Well yeah I know that, but I mean.” You gesture at yourself. “What the fuck did I do?”

“I believe Karkat thought you were making pale advances on Sollux.” You blink. He thought you were what? “And as far as I’m aware, they are not officially Moirails. So he must have felt threatened.”

“Okay, see. I wasn’t doing that.” He nods like he understands perfectly, and he probably does. “I mean, can I even do that? Humans don’t do Moirail stuff. I’m not a troll.”

He smiles bitterly. “Neither are we.”

Oh. 


	3. Cronus: Admire yourself.

After you got out of your tank you checked out your reflection in the glass of the hatch, and yeah, you were right.  _Human_. You had a hopeful feeling that this would happen. And  _here you are_.

It feels pretty good.

You run your hands through your soft hair, your scalp is smooth and you  _don’t have horns anymore_. You run your fingers gently over your cheekbones to feel how squishy your skin is and slide your tongue over your teeth to test if you can accidentally cut yourself on them.

All in all it’s  _nice_. But not as amazing as you _thought_  it would feel.

The drone tries to take your arm to lead you out, but you just rest your hand on it’s own and assure it that you can walk just  _fine_. It doesn’t push and just leads the way, you follow behind, disguising your stumbles as you just casually dragging your feet. Eventually it leads you to another room. The room is empty and every little sound you make reverberates off the walls as you shuffle inside and sit down on a bench in the far corner.

After about twenty minutes of just  _sitting_  here you think about asking that damn bug what’s going on, but just then there’s a whooshing noise as the door sweeps open and there’s another one stood there, you pretend to not be interested, and succeed right up until another human follows it in. You look the girl up and down, and using your  _amazing_  powers of deduction you determine from her height, her hair style, and the fact that there’s probably some hemocaste bullshit going on, that it’s Meenah.

She walks over and stares at you wide eyed. “Cro?” You shoot her a winning smile – well you guess it’s a good one, you haven’t tested out your human facial expressions yet – and nod your head once towards her. “What the fuck happened to us?”

You stand and give her a quick spin, then wink, you’ve got this human thing down already, no problems. “Humans.” You give her a thumbs up. “I guess everyone is. I haven’t seen anyone else yet, you’re the first.”

She looks down at herself and grimaces. “I look… fuckin ridiculous.”

You shake your head and put a hand on her shoulder. “Nah babe, you look amazing. No matter what species you are, you’d ALWAYS look amazing.”

She snorts in your face and pushes your hand away. “Easy for you to say, look at YOU! You look… actually no, forget I said that. I am NOT feedin your ego.” She smiles up at you. “Betta ya happy with bein a human though, right?”

You rock on the balls of your feet and grin at her, all flashy, blunt teeth and confidence. “Fuck yeah, I mean, ‘look at me’, am I right?” You lean your face a little closer to hers and wiggle your eyebrows, she shoves you away giggling.

“Yeah yeah, that’s not what I meant.”

You scratch at the back of your neck. “Hey…”

She rolls her eyes and looks at you. “What Ampora?”

“Are you still going to keep with the fish puns? Because… You know.” You gesture up and down at her with a hand.

She looks down at herself again, leaning back to get a better look. “Yeah… But I don’t think I can NOT make them, like, all the time. Sometimes they just, you know, happen.”

You’re about to try and have a serious conversation with Meenah about perhaps not using fish puns, as it might be a little weird, when you hear some kind of clicking sound. You turn to see both the drones standing right in front of you both. The green one you came in with has it’s hand outstretched towards Meenah and she looks at you, you shrug your shoulders and offer a reassuring facial expression. She places her small tanned hand in it’s claws and it grasps her gently, letting her push up to stand, then starts leading her towards the door.

The dark orange one that came in with Meenah has it’s arm bent and it’s elbow joint pointed towards you, you decide to be culturally sensitive and take it’s arm, and let it assist you onto your feet.

You’ve been walking for a good few minutes now. Meenah’s been making some remarks on how boring everything’s been so far, and you’ve asked on more than one occasion if she thinks anyone else is here. It had occurred to both of you that there was a possibility you came here because you were the highest blood castes. Of course that would mean Eridan and that Feferi girl would be here too. Perhaps. But maybe Meenah wouldn’t feel the need to  _murder_  her now that you’re not trolls anymore.

Oh yeah,  _not trolls_.

Really going to have to get used to that.

One of the drones starts making that clicking sound again and the one up front stops at a door. He taps his huge claws on it and the door swishes open.

 _Oh_. There are more humans in here.

The drone that woke you earlier turns and passes you something, you recognise it after a few dumb moments of staring as your sylladex. Inside it is your strife deck too. You rifle through your sylladex hoping to find some spare clothes.  _Bingo_.

Once you’ve switched out your unflattering gown type thing for your usual threads you turn to Meenah, who’s probably been ready since she got handed her sylladex, she was always more organised than you. You’re more than surprised that she hasn’t actually gone in without you.

You extend a hand to Meenah, palm up, and lean forward in a slight bow - like human royalty does - offering to walk her into the room like a gentleman. And she  _actually_  takes it.

While snickering and calling you stupid.

You guide her into the room and give a few nods to people you don’t recognise, although you  _do_  recognise one girl, and she smiles as you nod in her general direction. You decide to go over and see if she fancies explaining what’s going on.

“Hey, Rosefang! What’s up with all these chumps?” Meenah asks as she lets go of your hand, but she doesn’t outright  _snatch_  it away, so you guess you did good. You glance around the room again.

“Meenah, I take it. And…” She looks you up and down. Then some guy with shades comes over and stands next to her, raising an eyebrow at you and Meenah. You don’t recognise him at first.

You flash them that smile, but hold back a little, don’t want to seem overeager. “Cronus.” You don’t even act  _offended_  that they didn’t recognise you, you have completely  _switched species_  after all, and you don’t really look much like you. You think it’s the lack of fins.

The guy nods in confirmation. “Ah, I don’t think we’ve met. Name’s Dirk. Should’ve guessed who you were though.” He points off behind you and you turn to see a few people, he  _seems_  to be pointing at a particular group, two girls and a guy. The girls are both brunettes and one of them has her arm around the guy’s shoulder, he has this dirty blonde hair and he looks like he _really_  doesn’t want to be here. The shades guy taps the side of your arm and you jump. “Eridan.” He doesn’t look much like Eridan from this angle, he’s dressed in just a black shirt and jeans that, come to think of it, don’t look like they fit him. He must’ve borrowed them from someone else.

“Huh. Not bad.” You nod appreciatively.

Rose chuckles under her breath. “Cronus, are you checking out your brother?”

“Brother? Oh, yeah. I mean no I’m not, I just meant…” Your head’s still not completely clear from waking up.

She smiles anyway. “It’s alright, I was joking. But for the record, I do believe that’s what you all are now. Most of you seem to resemble your ‘Dancestors’ at least slightly, some more than others. Also there are slight differences in your facial structures from the change. So you don’t all look like you used to.”

“Huh, cool.” You look at the shades guy. “So are you two sort of, brother and sister now? or is it just us.”

Rose turns to Dirk, you’re not sure where  _he’s_  looking, but he does look like he’s paying attention to you at least. Rose turns back to speak to you, “I’m not entirely sure. I imagined that Dave and myself would be siblings if there were any genetic changes like that. Although I’m not sure about Dirk and myself. Nor Roxy, for that matter. I suppose it may be possible. We would need an official DNA test to find out for certain though.”

Dirk’s face doesn’t even twitch as he replies. “Oh yeah, that’d sound innocent as fuck. ‘Hi there, I’d like to book a bulk DNA testing session for me and a whole group of these other douchebags. What’s that? Oh I don’t know, I’d say 32 of us’.”

Rose giggles at him, it’s a delicate sound. “‘Of course, sir. Do you have any idea who the father is?’”

“’Oh, I’m not sure but I think I might be the father of my brother, and his sister is my friend’s daughter, and I’m probably both of their dad’s too, and my son is most likely my dad, and so on. If you could just clear up this clusterfuck for us once and for all, that’d be swell. Also most of these fuckers used to be extra-terrestrials, there won’t be a higher charge for them will there?’”

“Hey chief, someone could take offense to that you know.” You smile as you say it, and lift your arms in a, probably too-dramatic, shrug. This guy seems pretty cool though, and you  _can_  take a joke.

“Oh, Vantas? I already had a chat with him. He won’t be bothering me with any of his hypothetical problems any time soon. We’re cool. You could even say we’re bros.”

You don’t tell him you were referring to yourself, personally you just want to forget  _all_  about being a troll and start concentrating on being a human finally. This is going to be  _great_.

You scour the room again;  _still_  nobody jumps out at you. You recognise Aranea, but only because of her glasses. “Hey, bro, is Kankri here?” he nods and points behind him with his thumb without looking.

That must be him. He’s the same height as he was last time you saw him, obviously, but he’s got this darker shade of skin than you, and brown hair. Oh yeah, you didn’t check the colour of _your_  hair. Maybe your hair’s  _blonde_  like Eridan’s. Looking at him again, Eridan is pretty pale compared to you, it looks like hair colour and skin colour kind of _go together_ , no one who is pale has dark brown hair, and no one who’s darker has blonde. Interesting.

You give a little nod as a thank you to Dirk, and a sly wink, because _why not?_ Then you stroll over to Kankri with your hands in your pockets, long but slow strides so you look _casual_. You’re actually pretty excited to see him. You’re excited to see _everyone_  of course, but at least Kankri will talk to you for more than  _5 minutes_  at a time. Maybe you two can talk about human stuff now. That’s actually something you’d be _happy_  to listen to him talk about.

“Hey man.” You give a nod in greeting. You think that’s the  _only_  cool way to greet people as a human. Maybe there are more ways. The shades g-  _Dirk_ , seems pretty cool, maybe you should ask  _him_  for some pointers. Or would having to  _ask_  be considered uncool?

Kankri looks you over contemplatively for a few seconds. For a moment you worry he doesn’t recognise you and won’t say anything in favour of not offending you.

“Hello Cronus. May I compliment you on your appearance? Or would that be considered a little strange.” He makes a cute little face like he has  _no idea_  what to say right now. You really want to just hug him or something, but he has his whole _physical contact_  thing, so you’ll resist out of sheer courtesy.

“Nah bro, that’s totally fine. Thanks. I would like to compliment you back if that’s alright.” You give him a little smirk, he doesn’t look like he’s really listening though.

“Do forgive me for mentioning this. But… Your accent…”

“What about it?” You tilt your head, and he takes a few moments to put the words together, probably trying to figure out how to not hurt your feelings. He should really stop that, he should know he couldn’t possibly trigger  _you_.

He opens his mouth finally, but it still takes a second for anything to come out. “You don’t have one anymore?”

“Oh. I didn’t even notice. Huh.” You rub at your chin. How did you miss that? You must’ve been too distracted by everything  _else_  that’s happened to notice.

“Also your voice is different. Not in a bad way, I assure you. It suits you.” Wow, he’s  _full_  of compliments today, you think you’ll stick around with him for a while longer if this keeps up.

“Hey, you too man!  It’s nice. And you look different. You look good. Not that you didn’t look great before”. You shrug. “But you know.” He just rubs at his arm in this adorable way, and then you start to realise he doesn’t seem like _himself_. He’s really _quiet_. And he doesn’t look as confident as usual. Rather than asking outright if he’s okay – because you  _know_  he’ll say he’s fine and change the subject – you decide on, “so how you liking being human yourself?”

He brings his other arm up and folds them over his chest. It’s a very  _Kankri_ thing to do, so it makes you feel a little better. “In a personal sense, pertaining to me in specific? Or an overall ‘how do I feel about ALL of us being human’ sense?”

“Both I guess? But, personally, first. It’s a big deal, I understand if you’re not too happy about it. You were a troll for a long time. A long, LONG time.”

“Cronus, I do not need to be reminded as to how long it was. I was there, after all. If you recall.” You put your hands on your hips and chuckle at him. He smiles a little at first, but then he sighs. “Yes, well. I’m not sure, to be completely honest. It’s not as bad as I first imagined. Although it will take some… Getting used to.” His eyes scan the room quickly, and you think his eyes look a lot like they used to before you all died, if not exactly the same, same colour, same shape. It’s nice seeing him  _alive_  again. “On a larger scale I am indeed very happy with the outcome. With everyone having the same colour blood, there is no longer any direct hemospectrum. This can only be a positive in my opinion. Of course there are going to be other things people will derive problems from. But we shall engage that metaphorical water crossing structure when we arrive at it.”

“I know you will.” You take a chance and go to ruffle his hair, but you don’t want to mess it up, so instead you sort of just pat him on the head. This earns you a bit of a glare, but he doesn’t freak out.

You chalk it up as a victory.

“Oh. Hello again Karkat. Is everything sorted out?” You’re a little jealous that Kankri seems to have already spoken to other people, but you’re more annoyed that Karkat just  _stomped up_  and is  _interrupting_  your conversation with Kankri that was  _actually_  going pretty well.

Karkat turns to you, gives you a look of almost repulsion, and then, “We.” He gestures between himself and Kankri. “Need to talk.” He stares at you with this look in his eyes, and he’s honestly kind of intimidating for a short guy, but you aren’t backing down.

“That’s nice. We” you imitate his little gesture between Kankri and yourself. “Were in the middle of a conversation.”

“Oh yeah? How about you keep your hands to yourself for five fucking minutes and go away.”

“I didn’t even fucking touch him!”

“Actually, you did.” Kankri interrupts.

Karkat gives him this disbelieving look, then turns to you and rolls his eyes. “Just… Go and talk to Eridan or something for a few minutes. You can have him back soon enough. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on stealing him away from you.”

“You know, I would highly appreciate not being referred to so objectively.”

“Feel fucking privileged! I could’ve ‘referred to you’ as something a lot worse.”

You decide to just leave them like that, and go and say hi to Eridan. 


	4. Karkat: Build up

“Kankri… have you noticed something?”

“Hmm? What is it?”

“Where are the clowns?”

“Oh. I hadn’t even noticed. Oh fuck.”

“I second that.”

…

It’s bright on the outside.

You shut your eyes and shade them with your forearm. When it’s not physically painful to open your eyes you look around and see a large empty space with a group of drones stood around, and you have a flashback.

_A young troll stands in his lawnring. It just so happens that today is this young troll’s introduction into the community. Today he shall build his very own Hive._

“Holy shit. Lalonde,I thought you said this place was more like Earth from what you’d seen on the internet?”

“It is like Earth. In fact I may go as far as to say it is in fact earth as we knew it before, if not for some slight changes.”

Kankri decides to open his mouth again. You really wish he’d just sit the fuck out of this. “If I may, I would like to be the one to explain what is happening.” He looks at you, you’re not sure why he’s even doing that. Apparently everyone’s elected you as the complete leader or something. Just great. Kankri can be the asshole leader of your combined teams for all you care. But then if you have to listen to him explain everything you think you’ll go crazy.

You just make a short gesture that was supposed to signal him to carry on, it didn’t even look like that to you. He understands anyway, you hate that. “Alright. On Beforus or, more commonly, on Alternia, young trolls are given the opportunity to design their own dwellings. They just have to give instructions to the drones on what to build where. It is recommended that you give them an easily tweaked guideline though. In case you forgot a room, that way they can add it in wherever they see fit.”

He sweeps his arm in a gesture toward all the space around the lot of you. “This is what is commonly referred to as a Lawnring. If my interpretations are correct, these drones wish to help us build hives on this planet. It seems like there is plenty of room in this ring to fit all of us.” You are loathe to admit that he probably explained that better than you could have. Well at least without getting impatient and aggravated.

Dave whistles. “So… These bugs are going to build us houses? Do we have to share or do we get places all to ourselves?”

“I’m not entirely sure, but from what I gather, and personal experience, we would each get our own. I suppose you would have to ask if you wanted to share. As I’m sure some people would wish to do.”

You roll your eyes and shove Kankri in the back. He jumps, but you just keep pushing him towards the drones. “Here. Ask them.” You’re half joking.

The other half of you knows he’ll be able to communicate with them just to spite you.

And as if reading your mind he talks to them, and they make some noises and gestures that don’t make any sense to you. So he keeps talking. And talking.

“Yes. We each build for ourselves alone. Although if you wish to build together you may. Perhaps even set up some system where your hives, or houses in this case, would be connected but still able to be separated if you wanted some time on your own.” He puts a hand to his chin in thought. “In fact, I would personally recommend building your own dwelling. This way if there are ever any awkward situations or breakdowns of friendship then there needn’t be any, messy situations.”

You stare at him for a few moments. “How the fuck do you do that? I don’t understand a fucking thing they’re going on about.”

He just pats you on the shoulder and returns back to where he was stood initially. You guess everything’s back on you again.

From ‘personal experience’ there should be enough drones to build, maybe, 6 hives at once. You point out all 8 humans and tell them to come over so you can tell them what the drones will need to know. Then you wonder something.

“How many of you Beforans were… What was it, culled? Or do you guys know how this works. Or whatever, you can just get Kankri to fucking explain to you guys. You’re not my team.”

…

It takes nearly the entire day. Dave had offered to build last to keep you company, but you were still a bit off with him so you made him go first with Dirk, Rose, Jade and John. Jake, Jane and Roxy are in the second group. Sollux had said he would build last too, but you made him go in the first group, he seems off and a little uncomfortable. He doesn’t even seem that into the technical parts of building so you go and help him out by suggesting things. The drones won’t listen to you though, so you have to get him to tell them.

Houses are more boring looking than hives; you’ve seen some on the monitors. These things are like hive/house hybrids. You’ll admit most of them do look pretty cool.

When everyone’s finally done aside from the last group it’s your turn. You look around, there’s still plenty of space to build. Kankri’s already off telling the drones what to put where, he’s probably been figuring it out this whole time, even while helping out with people who weren’t sure what to build. You haven’t been thinking about it at all.

He catches you looking around. “Karkat.” He waves you over and you decide to humour him. Anything to have some more time to figure out how to build your ‘house’. Maybe just like your old hive. “As we are now the equivalent of human ‘brothers’, would you like to build your dwelling near mine? Generally, from what I know of humans, siblings usually live together, although I do not really wish to abode with somebody else. And I’m sure you don’t either.

You check out where he’s building. It’s close to Cronus and Mituna, but far enough away to be on it’s own. Mituna built kind of close to Sollux, so that means if you built on the other side, you would be close to Sollux. Although Cronus built near Dave, so you would be slightly near him. You guess you shouldn’t really be like this. It probably was just a misunderstanding, you’re being an idiot.

“Karkat?”

“Oh yeah, sorry, sure. Why are you building right out on the edge?”

He kind of folds in on himself slightly and smiles. “I just wanted to be able to be alone. Without the feeling of suffocation being in the centre would have. I thought you were going to build centrally with the humans if I’m honest. Erm, well not ‘humans’ I suppose.”

“I know what you meant, it’s alright. And are you fucking kidding? I can’t stand those bastards.”

“Yes. You seem to be very hostile towards a lot of people lately. Are you quite alright? I’m happy to talk to you about it if you’d like.”

“Well you know what? I might actually take you up on that sometime.”

“On that subject. May I ask how things are going with Sollux?”

“Ugh. Don’t even- No. Let’s not go there.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sure he’s just rather confused about everything that’s going on. A few people aren’t taking it very well.”

“Are you?”

“As well as I can I suppose. It’s not a huge drawback to me. How about yourself?”

“I don’t know really… I guess? I mean it hasn’t even been a day yet so I won’t know for a while really will I? and by then I might be so used to being human that I wouldn’t want to change back even if I could”

“That’s a good way to look at it.”

…

“Yo Vantas, open up.”

You swing your door open. Not on purpose, it’s a lot lighter than the doors on the meteor is all. “Dave? What do you want?”

“Well I’m sort of here to apologize.”

“Sort of? Either you’re apologizing or you aren’t.”

“Well no, I’m not a hundred percent sure why you flipped out, so if you tell me why, then I know what I did. Then if it was something I did, I can apologize.”

You huff and point him inside. He comes in and admires your house. You’ve been in here for a couple of days now, nobody’s visited you aside from Sollux, Kankri and Cronus one time. You all found out after getting your houses built that all of your boondollars were in your sylladexes and had been converted into whatever currency this planet, or at least this part of it, uses. And to put it bluntly, pretty much all of you were loaded. So you had been online and ordered furniture.

“Nice place you got here. I might have to hire you as my decorator, my place is a shit heap.”

“I imagine.”

“Okay, so let’s cut the shit. Did I hurt your feelings when I was talking to your boyfriend, or, what? Because if that’s it, you’ve got to get over it and not be so jealous-”

“Excuse me? What the fuck are you talking about.”

“You and Captor. Obviously something’s going on if you’re all protective of him and shit. I just wanted to say I’m not trying to encroach on your territory dude. I mean he’s cute but he’s-”

“Stop.”

“Will you stop interrupting me?”

“Never.” You take a few deep breaths and try not to yell at him. “Me and Sollux are not ‘boyfriends’ as so you eloquently put it. We’re just friends. Good friends. And he’s going through some shit and I would appreciate if you weren’t such a dick about it.”

“Whoa, I wasn’t being a dick. I was trying to cheer him up and you fucking hit me.”

“I didn’t hit you. I thought you were being an asshole to him so I ‘shoved’ you, to save him from you.”

“Save him? Dude I wasn’t going to molest him or something.”

“You so were! You were all over him.”

“Oh okay, so you’re not being jealous at all.”

“Oh my fucking god Strider, you are so insufferable! I’m not fucking jealous. It wasn’t even a thing.”

“What are you even going on about anymore?”

“You and Sollux! You are not a fucking thing. You haven’t even spoken to him since we left that fucking… whatever the hell that place was. And before that you never spoke to him!”

“Dude, calm your tits. Jegus fuck. Speaking of Jegus, how is Kankri?”

“Oh my fucking god, I should’ve known you only came over here to piss me off.”

“Nah I’m being serious, I was wondering if he told you what happened between us.”

You open your mouth to say something, but you find you can’t. You finally manage, “what?”

“Well I guess it’s a secret, huh.”

“No Dave, you tell me what the fuck you’re talking about right now.”

“Well let’s just say we had us some sexual education up in this bitch.”

You try to say what again, but you can’t even manage that. Your brain just got fried.

“It was pretty good too.”

“No, no no no! Shut up. That did not happen.”

“Oh yes it did. You can’t escape the truth, Karkat.”

“Just get the fuck out of my house.”

“Okay whatever. I’m sorry for whatever I did to piss you off with Sollux though, okay? I miss hanging out with you. Shit’s boring around here and John’s always busy.”

“Yeah, sure.” You add on in a quieter voice, “I guess I miss hanging out with you too.”

“Alright, we should get a game night going soon or something. Invite Captor too.”

You just roll your eyes and slam the door on him.

…

“Hey John, you okay?”

He sniffles and turns further away from you.

“John come on, I thought you liked this movie. This isn’t even a sad part.”

“It’s fine Karkat. It’s nothing.”

“It is so obviously ‘nothing’ that I am embarrassed I mistook it for you crying like a wriggler over ‘nothing’.”

He cringes and huddles in on himself more.

“Oh come on, it was a joke! Fucks sake John, if you just told me what was up then I’m sure you’d feel a little better. I’m only here to watch this shitty movie with you. And you’re not even watching it, so you might as well use up my time in some other way. It’s not like I’ve got anything better to do.”

“You’re shitty at reassuring people. You know that?”

“Fuck you, I’m amazing at reassuring people who tell me what the fuck is wrong with them.”

“Fine! I’m just- I miss my dad. I miss my old house. I thought maybe- maybe the game would give me back my dad. I know it’s stupid. Okay? And I wouldn’t want to lose you guys. And if I had to choose I don’t know what I would do! But I just… I really miss him.”

You don’t say anything for a long time. You miss your Lusus too, and you think it’s mostly the same, but it’s not. You know that. So you don’t say ‘I understand’ or ‘it’ll be okay’. Because it won’t be. His dad is dead. He isn’t coming back. And thinking that there’s even a slight chance after you finish the game that you might see him, and then not? That must be heart breaking.

“It’s not stupid John.”

You put your arm around his shoulders and he doesn’t even hold back, just launches himself into your chest, wrapping his arms around your middle and sobbing into your shirt. You pet his hair and shoosh him.

It doesn’t even feel like cheating on Sollux.

…

“No. Fuck you KK.”

“But Sollux I just want to-”

“NO! We’re not fucking trolls anymore. Moirallegiance isn’t a thing now. Will you just stop bringing all that shit back up?”

“I can’t just forget seven sweeps of my life happened Sollux. And neither can you!”

“Yes I fucking can! Watch me. I’m leaving. And I am not coming back. I’ll go somewhere else, somewhere no one knows who I am. And I’ll pretend this is who I’ve always been!”

“Sollux. Will you fucking just- listen to yourself?! You sound fucking ridiculous! What are you going through that no one else is? Just fucking talk to me.”

“I don’t even know!” he’s started tearing up, swiping his eyes to will them from spilling over. “I just… I’m not me. I don’t feel like me at all! I spent as long as I can remember with psionics, and the last sweep of my half-life I was blind. And I was with AA, and she won’t even fucking acknowledge my existence right now because she’s too busy off enjoying her life and I’m just sat here wishing I didn’t even come out of the game.”

“Sollux-”

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!”

“Shit, I’m sorry, okay! I just want to fucking help you. Please let me help you. I’ll stop. I’ll never mention anything troll related again- after this. I’ll even open up a memo on that new messenger you programmed and make sure no one mentions anything about it unless they’re sure the other person’s okay with it… shit listen to me, I’m turning into fucking Kankri. Tagging triggers and shit.”

He gives you the smallest smile you’ve ever seen on him. He’s usually either pissed off or grinning like a maniac, so it just looks wrong.

“Can I hug you now?”

He nods. You have a weird flashback – or flashforward? – of him punching you and storming out.

After a few moments he backs away from you, which is a shame, because hugging was nice, even if it did feel a little awkward. He’s right, humans don’t do Moiraillegance, the closest you can get is being bros. And bros don’t cuddle.

“KK, how do you feel about all this?”

“Not too bad to be honest. I’ve thought about it a few times, obviously. It’s just there nothing relly wrong with it I suppose. I don’t lose out on much. I mean there’s lots of really fucking annoying little things. But that’s it.”

“Little things?”

“Yeah like having to stand to piss, or when I get up in the morning to go to the bathroom I have to get up again after like, five minutes, because my body wasn’t awake enough the first time. Or the eating. Where before I could just eat whenever I felt like it, now I have to have a fucking schedule! I mean who the fuck decided that was a thing?!”

“Wow KK. You would find the really retarded details the worst thing.” he rests his head on your shoulder. “Thanks.”

You think about asking him what for. But you think that’s a nice way to finish the conversation.

…

KARKAT [KK] opened memo on board IRONICALLY HUMAN. 

KK: BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING, I KNOW HOW THIS SOUNDS…  
KK: BUT IF WE COULD ALL DO EVERYONE A HUGE FAVOUR AND NOT MENTION ANYTHING ABOUT HOW WE USED TO BE TROLLS, OR HOW WEIRD IT IS BEING A HUMAN, THAT WOULD BE GREAT.  
KK: OF COURSE YOU CAN STILL TALK ABOUT IT, BUT JUST… CHECK THAT THE OTHER PERSON DOESN’T MIND.  
KK: AND IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU, DON’T BE WORRIED ABOUT TELLING THEM THAT YOU DO MIND.  
KANKRI [KV] responded to memo.  
KV: I must agree that this is a very good idea. I’ve come across a lot of flippant disregard on people’s feeling on this matter. Some of us aren’t taking to being a human very well and it would be very unfortunate if someone were to be upset by something somebody said.   
DAVE [DV] responded to memo.  
DV: i dont want to piss on your parade but isnt ignoring that shit kind of  
DV: i dont know  
DV: forgetting your entire lives  
KV: It’s not that they wish to forget. They just wish to move on. There is no use in dwelling on things we once had and will not have again. We should look forward to what we have now. And appreciate being alive in the first place.  
DOUCHEBAG [ED] responded to memo.  
ED: really sol  
ED: how mature  
ED: anyway id like to just join in and say I personally would like it if people would stop with the troll talk  
ED: bein a humans not so bad  
KV: I’m glad that you agree Eridan.   
KK: BUT SEE THIS IS WHAT SHOULDN’T HAVE TO HAPPEN. PEOPLE SHOULDN’T HAVE TO COME OUT AND SAY THAT THEY DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. PEOPLE SHOULD JUST EXPECT THEY DON’T WANT TO.  
KV: Indeed. I hope everyone reads this and takes this to heart.


	5. Cronus: Kiss the boy

Today you’re going to do it. You’re sure Dirk’s been flirting with you, so you’re going to ask him out on a date. This is sure to go great. There’s no way he could turn you down.

He’s right where he always is, out the back of his house without his shirt on, it’s relatively sunny, and not unbearably hot. You click you tongue appreciatively and he looks up at you.

“Hey there. Enjoying the view?”

“Sure am. You know it’d be an even better view if the owner of that ‘hot bod’ would agree to come out for a drink with me.”

“Out for a drink? I didn’t even know there were bars on this planet.”

“Well you know, I’ve been doing my research and found a few places. So you fancy it?”

He gives you a sly little smirk. “Sure.”

…

You’ve probably drank more than you should have. Then again, so has he, and he said he would be the responsible one and stay pretty sober so you could have a good time.

He’s been talking for the last five minutes about robots or something, you were listening, but honestly his voice is just so melodic and you don’t care about robots so you sort of just concentrate on the sound of what he’s saying. It’s a talent you got from talking to Kankri, pretending to listen, and Dirk doesn’t seem to notice you’re not really paying attention because you’re nodding in his strategic pauses and glancing at him every now and again from your drink. You don’t completely remember when he took his shades off, you do remember he made a big deal about it and told you to look at his eyes. He said something you thought was negative but you couldn’t really focus when you saw them, you were so caught up and you just blurted out that they were ‘beautiful’. He raised an eyebrow and gave you a bit of a frown and you’d laughed at him because wow he was actually quite expressive when he was drunk. When he asked what you were laughing at you just said it was the alcohol and he nodded, staring at his drink they it had lied to him about being as alcoholic as it was.

“So?”

You drag your eyes up to his face again. He’s looking at you like he asked you an important question, you had no idea he asked you something. How much have you drank? You hope you’re not the equivalent to a light weight, even though it’s your first time drinking, that would still be embarrassing.

You’re pretty sure he’s drank less than you and he seems worse.

“You WERE listening, right?” you kind of hate that he still sounds perfectly put together despite slurring his words the tiniest amount, when he moves he’s kind of sluggish and when he crosses his legs he leans back and sways slightly. Part of you wants him to fall off his bar stool so you can swoop and catch him, the other part knows you would be too late, or you would just drop him.

“I was listening to- you talkin bout your robuts? Sorry man, I’m a lil…” You gesture at your drink.

He snickers. “Fair enough. I asked if you wanna come back to my place.”

He’s perfectly straight faced now, normally you would think this was his default expression and that was a normal every day question. But after how he’s been with his face while drinking, you think there was something else in that. Why would you even go back to his hive, yours is closer.

“I mean you don’t have to if it’s like, too soon or something, you know, I’m not gonna force you man.”

You know there’s something you’re missing. God you’re so off your game tonight. Maybe drinking was a bad idea for a first date.

Wait. Too soon. First date.

Oh.

“Ohh! Nah man that’s cooool, I’ll come with.”

He gets up and staggers a little, but he’s straightened up and steadied himself in no time. He reaches his hand to you to help you and you take it, but you try not to actually pull on him to get up.

He pulls you up himself anyway.

“Okay. Let’s hope I can actually remember the way back. I’m not even sure I would remember sober. This could be interesting.”

“Man, have you evw-evwer ewven- even drank before?” you shake your head, wow talking is hard. It’ hard and nobody understands.

“Nope. First time.” He snickers under his breath again and you wonder what he’s laughing at. You hope it’s not you. “This was a great idea by the way. Thanks for asking me out.”

You chuckle at him, but it probably sounds unattractive so you stop yourself. “No big, man. Thans for accep- accept- ing.” You groan and he snickers again. You wonder if you can make him outright laugh before the date’s over. That would be an accomplishment.

As an ex-troll you still have some instincts from being a troll, one of which being a good sense of direction. so when he takes a wrong turn you grab his arm to pull him the right way. He makes another wrong turn and you grab him again, when you get back on the right track and you let your arm drop he grasps your hand. You try not to react, got to act cool. Next time he makes to turn the wrong way you just tug gently on his hand, and he looks down at your linked hands as if he forgot that he did that. You go to pull your hand away but he just interlaces your fingers and goes the correct direction.

When you reach his hive he fumbles with his keys a few times, you laugh and take them from him, he just sighs and leans up against the wall by the front door. You only struggle slightly, everything’s swaying gently. Once you get the key in the hole it’s all really simple. Just turn the key, push the door open, turn to Dirk and whoa he’s kissing you.

Okay so you probably should’ve expected that.

You should also probably be kissing back. So you do that.

He tastes like alcohol, but that might be you. Were you drinking the same thing? You can’t really concentrate on him, but, you notice little things. How warm he is, the feel of the muscles on his back and sides when you run your hands down them, how wet his mouth is, how his tongue feels against yours, when did you open your mouth?

You don’t notice things like him turning you both around and slowly backing indoors, him shutting the door with his foot, dipping his fingers into the waistband of your boxers, or at first even when he falls backwards onto his futon and drags you with him.

You do notice that you’re both suddenly lying down and you’re on top of him though. You pull away and he looks up at you, breathless and panting. There’s a weird feeling in your stomach that you don’t like. But you try and ignore it. He’s searching your face for something and the longer you don’t do anything but stare at him the more unsure he looks. You just want to kiss the worry off his face.

You don’t.

“You okay?” you swallow and nod, but you’re lying. “We can stop if you don’t want this.” You shake your head a little too quickly to be truthful, but he doesn’t read into it and surges up to kiss you again.

You spend the time you’re kissing thinking more about how it would feel if you still were a troll. You were cold blooded, so you wonder how warm he would feel then, would it be rougher, would he cut himself on your teeth, you were never a big fan of blood, but it can be attractive if it was your fault.

Unaware of your inner monologue, Dirk trails his hands down your back, all the way to your ass, and he pulls you up and grinds you into his pelvis. You’re not a complete novice at this, you’ve looked things up on the internet, you’ve touched yourself, you know what’s going on in your pants. But it doesn’t make it feel any better. It all feels wrong somehow.

You try to ignore your minds protests in favour of your body’s positive reinforcement. Which isn’t that hard considering your mind is still fuzzy from drinking. And you let him grind into you a few more times until you conjure up the courage up to do it yourself, he meets you halfway, and you can feel him getting hard through your pants.

Your body is in fact very appreciative of the situation, and you think he can tell considering despite your clothes you’re both pretty much fucking. What was that called again, dry humping?

It’s not so bad after a few minutes and you start to feel kind of comfortable in the situation. He breaks your almost permanent lip lock to pull your shirt off, and you flinch at first because the alcohol made you forget that you don’t have horns for it to get snagged on. You return the favour and take his shirt off, as you’re chucking it over the back of the futon you wonder where his shades went, then laugh out loud because of course, he put them in his sylladex while you were drinking.

“Are you nervous?”

“Huh? Why would you say that?”

He shrugs and smooths his hands up your forearms to your shoulders. “We don’t have to do this you know.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, because if he treats you like you don’t know what you’re getting into one more time- “It’s fine, don’t worry. I was just thinking something.”

He looks dubious at first, but then gently pulls you down to him with his arms wrapped around your neck. Before he kisses you, he whispers against your lips, “I’m just not into forcing people into things they don’t wanna do.”

This time when he kisses you he’s gentle, and it’s as if he thinks you’re delicate and he might break you.

It makes you kind of angry.

You grunt and bite his lip, he flinches, but arches his back under you and doesn’t pull away. You buck your hips forward into his hard and he outright moans.

You should probably stop. You’re angry and you want to hurt him, and that’s not what humans do. But how dare he treat you like a poor, innocent, helpless wriggler. You want to punch him for even considering that you’re under him. You were the one that asked him out, you agreed to come here on your own terms.

You bite his lip again and he pushes you up away from him. “Whoa, you’re being a little rough dude.”

He has a look of trepidation and you wonder if you scared him. That makes you feel like a huge jerk, and all the anger rushes out of you quicker that it accumulated.

“Sorry. Shit.”

“Nah, it’s cool. Just… Take it easy.”

You nod and quickly lean down to kiss him again in apology. He’s reluctant at first, but then he gets into it again and before you know it he has his hands on your ass pulling you into him harder and that’s better.

After an admittedly comfortable while like this he breaks your cool by trying to undo your pants, you freeze. He doesn’t notice. You take his wrist and pull it away, and he gives you this pleading look that melt your insides. “Please.”

“I can’t. I just…” you hope he’ll drop it and you can just go back to what you were doing, because you can ignore what’s going on in your head enough for it to feel kind of nice.

“Why? You just… What? Was it something I did? Well shit, yeah, of course it was. You know what I mean.”

“Will you shut up. It’s not that, it’s… Okay, look, not a week ago I was a completely different species and things are just… Strange. Okay?”

“Do you want to stop?”

You think about saying no. you think about yelling at him for treating you like a- like a kid.

Instead you just nod at him and half stand so you can sit on the floor beside the futon.

After a few moments he breaks the awkward silence that settled in. “You can feel free to stay here if you don’t want to go back to yours. You can have the futon. I’m going to bed.”

He gets up and heads off to his bedroom. Doesn’t even look back. Looks like you blew that.

You climb up onto the futon and try to sleep.

You lie there for a good half hour. You’re tired, and your head’s starting to hurt, but you just can’t fall asleep. There’s this niggling feeling in the back of your mind. You want to go back to your own hive, house, whatever. So you get up quietly and leave.

When you get to your door you try your key and it doesn’t work. You think you’re just too drunk still, and you are. It takes you a few tries to get it in the hole again, and it still won’t actually fit.

Then the door opens and you fall into the doorway, someone catches you before you smash your face on the floor though.

“Cronus?”

“Kankri? Why are you in my hive? Uhh… house, shit.”

He sighs and lifts you to your feet, you kind of don’t want to stand though, so you don’t let go of him.

“Cronus, this is my house. Are you alright?”

You blink and look around, oh yeah, it is. His house looks nothing like yours. “I must be more wasted than I thought.”

“Just come in.” he doesn’t even give you a choice – not that you were going to say no – and he helps you inside and sits you on a couch. You have a flashback of Dirk’s futon and your breath catches in your throat. Kankri sits next to you and you just want to lean against him and go to sleep, because he felt so warm and cluddly when he helped you in and you just want some comfort right now. “Alright, now tell me what happened.”

“Huh. How d’ya know somethin happened?”

“I meant, what is wrong with you?”

“I’ve been drinking? I thought that was obvious.”

“As in alcohol?” You nod and he gives you a look of stern disapproval. “You’ve been human for a few days, and you’re already off getting inebriated. Do you know how dangerous that is? What if someone were to take advantage of you?”

“Hey. How far do you have to go until you’re not a virgin anymore? Like in human terms.”

His eyes widen slightly in shock, but he covers it almost immediately and leans in a little closer to you. “I believe that would depend on the gender of both partners. From what I have researched there aren’t very clear lines between same sex virginity, often it is personal preference.” He pauses. “May I ask, why you asked me that?”

You lean back and fold your arms. Kankri’s watching you pretty closely, you guess he must be trying to read your body language, but you aren’t giving anything away.

“Cronus…” You turn to him, but don’t acknowledge his question. “Please.”

Something cracks in you when he says that, you get a flashback from earlier, but it’s not quite the same, it’s just the way it felt. You wonder what it would feel like to kiss Kankri.

You’re not thinking clearly. You know this, and yet you don’t stop. You advance on him slowly, and he doesn’t back away, you imagine he genuinely has no idea what you’re about to do. And that’s just too adorable and oblivious and you definitely can’t stop yourself.

You kiss him.

He punches you.


	6. Dave: Engage awkward encounters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say thanks to everyone leaving kudos and comments, and even you guys just reading and not saying/doing anything, just taking the time out of your life to read this means a lot to me <3

It’s been a few days now. Nothing much is happening and you’re honestly pretty bored. You got so used to fighting for your life, or worrying about the end of the universe as a whole, that boredom is a horrible, horrible thing. even on the meteor you had things to do. Things to worry about. But now that everything’s fine, it’s all just too much.

You feel suffocated in your own house. You can’t relax. It always feels like you’re forgetting something.

There’s a knock at your door, then it’s flung open and bangs against the wall behind it. Not many people know you don’t lock your door.

“Dave. I need to speak to you.” It’s Terezi. You expected it would be, but she usually doesn’t throw doors open like that. She also doesn’t sound very good.

“Hey Rez, come in, the door’s open.”

“Please don’t get snarky with me. I have a huge problem and I need to ask you about it.”

“Sure, what’s up?” She looks a little worried. You pat the futon next to you, after a few moments she shuffles over to it and sits down beside you.

“As much as I love the colour of your human blood, I don’t feel very comfortable with how much of it I’m seeing.”

“What? TZ, you gotta do me a favour okay? Speak slowly. And in English.”

“I’m bleeding.”

“Where? Is it bad? I can bandage you up, I think, maybe Dirk has some bandages or something.”

“Dave I assure you. It is adorable seeing you depend on your alternate universe lusus-brother for things like first aid supplies. But right now I am bleeding to death.”

“Okay. Like I said, where from?”

“I would rather not say.”

“I can’t help if you don’t tell me. It’s alright TZ, you know me, I’m not gonna laugh or some shit. Alright?”

“I bleed when I pee and my stomach hurts really bad.” She didn’t actually cringe when she said that. You’re proud of her, +5 coolkid points for the pokerface. “Am I dying?”

“No! No. Okay, here’s the deal. This is something you should go to one of the girls about. Like Rose, or preferably Jade, or even Jane! Roxy maybe? IDK, just, it’s not a guy thing.”

“It’s a girl thing?” You nod and put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s stupid.” She looks at your hand, then back at your face. “So I’m definitely not going to die.”

“Rez. Trust me. You will not die from a period.”

“But I don’t really want to ask any of the girls about this, I don’t know them.” She makes an imitation of a cute face and clasps her hands together. “What if the other kids laugh at me?”

“Seriously, I don’t know how to explain this. Alright. For you.” Deep breath in, and let it out, Dave. You can do this. “Alright. So you know humans are like, mammals, yeah? Like we have babies and shit.”

“You don’t need to explain where babies come from, do you? Karkat already told me.” She grimaces, you laugh despite yourself.

“Shame I wasn’t there to hear that. Anyway no, but you see there’s some biological shit that goes on, it’s just your body trying to get ready to have a baby.”

“I don’t want a baby.”

“Well you don’t have to listen to your body. Umm, by the way. Did Karkat mention anything about birth control?”

“What’s that?”

“You know, protection. Condoms and stuff.”

“No.”

“Oh fuck…”

…

DAVE [DV] opened a memo on board IRONICALLY HUMAN

DV: guys i just went to the store and you should all be appreciative  
DV: seriously vantas im disappointed in you  
KANKRI [KV] responded to memo  
DV: not you  
KV: I was just interjecting to say you should perhaps refrain from referring to either of us by our ‘last names’ in a public domain such as this.  
DV: okay thats nice ill remember that  
DV: do you know where little vantas is  
KV: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?   
KV: AND DON’T CALL ME ‘LITTLE VANTAS’. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, WE’RE THE SAME HEIGHT.  
DV: umm   
DV: karkat?  
KV: DON’T ASK.   
KV: NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT.  
DV: oh nothing much  
DV: just you missed out a little something on your sex talk  
KV: WHAT?  
DV: birth control dude  
KV: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?  
JADE [JD] responded to memo  
JD: its so you dont have babies silly!  
KV: WHAT? SO YOU NEED TO DO SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE YOU DON’T HAVE OFFSPRING?   
KV: Please excuse Karkat’s blatant ignorance of his own species. I am embarrassed for him as we speak.   
KV: Rest assured, I have spoken to my own team, a few of Karkat’s and also a couple of the ‘B Universe’ members about this very subject.   
KV: If anyone doesn’t know what we are referring to, then they may feel free to contact me privately about the subject.   
KV: Or if I’m not jumping to conclusions, I believe that it is alright to contact the B Universe’s team leaders about the subject?  
JOHN [JN] responded to memo  
JANE [JA] responded to memo  
JN: nope.  
JA: Yep!  
JN: dave seems really into helping people with all this, he can have my place.   
JN: i don’t want to talk about these things.  
JA: Oh come on, John. Honestly, I’ts not embarrassing. It’s just nature.   
JN: it’s not that it’s embarrassing. i just don’t want to talk about it. okay?  
KV: I wouldn’t want to force you into anything you’re uncomfortable with John. Perhaps Dave would indeed like to take your place?  
DV: oh fuck no  
DV: ive had enough awkward convos about making babies for a lifetime  
KV: Well then I suppose it’s up to me, Karkat and Jane.   
KV: mnhygufvh  
KV: i mean me and jane.  
JD: did karkat just hit you??  
KV: no.  
JD: karkat are you pretending to be kankri to cover up that you just hit him…  
KV: maybe.  
JN: karkat, don’t be a dick.   
KV: hey fuck you! i’m totally not a dick.  
DV: can you at least keep your quirk to yourself  
DV: because damn thats confusing  
DV: why are you even with kankri right now  
KV: I SAID DON’T FUCKING ASK. THIS IS NOT THE SUBJECT OF THIS MEMO.   
KV: IS THIS MEMO TITLED WHY IS KANKRI IN KARKAT’S HOUSE?   
KV: NO. I THOUGHT NOT.   
KV: BACK TO THE POINT…  
KV: I WILL NOT BE JOINING IN ON THIS ‘SEX ED’ BECAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT IT.   
KV: PERFECTLY PRACTICAL REASON.   
KV: NOW IF YOU DON’T MIND, WE’RE BUSY.   
KANKRI [KV] ceased responding to memo  
DV: okay is it just me or was that weird  
JD: maybe they need some sex ed! :D  
JN: jade no.   
JN: ew, oh god.  
DV: yeah what the fuck harley  
JA: Anyway! Back to the point. If anyone wishes to know anything about it then you can feel free to contact me! Not just the boys either, girls can take responsibility too.   
JA: If you’re having bad cramps at that time of the month then there are certain things you can do to help.   
JN: i’m out.  
JOHN [JN] ceased responding to memo  
DV: same  
JD: this is your memo dave!  
DV: doesnt mean I have to stay  
DAVE [DV] ceased responding to memo  
…

You received a couple of messages from Jade after the memo was over. Mostly trying to bug you into giving people advice. There were the underlying tones of her trying to get you to find out what’s going on with Kankri and Karkat lately, but you don’t think you want to know.

You wonder if trolls still don’t consider it incest.

Not that that’s what’s going on. You hope. Because that would be a little weird.

Maybe you should talk to him about it.

You try pestering him, but he’s not online and neither is Kankri. You start to kind of worry about it, which is stupid.

You’re definitely not jealous that one of your best bros is hanging out with somebody else. When you found out about him and John hanging out together without telling you, you were perfectly fine. Absolutely.

Sollux is online, you wonder if he knows about Karkat’s little rendezvous.

You message him, but he takes a while to reply and when he does he’s short and seems distracted.

DV: dude is it ok if i come over  
SC: why?   
DV: are you bored  
SC: ii gue22.   
DV: then im coming over

…

When you get to Sollux’ house the door is open and he’s lying on his couch listening to music. It’s not bad, you can appreciate it unironically.

He spots you and sits up. “Hey. Why did you come over?”

“Wow, straight to the point, I’m hurt. Can’t two bros just hang out without any ulterior motives?”

“I didn’t think we were bros. You’ve never talked to me.” He still has his lisp, you notice, but it sounds different now. More like a normal lisp you’re used to hearing, instead of it sounding like he’s trying to talk around fake plastic fangs. Which he almost was.

“Okay, see. That’s what Karkat said too. And I would’ve talked to you if you had stuck around! You just up and fucked off as soon as I got on the meteor. How’s a guy supposed to talk to someone when they don’t get a chance?”

“I meant we can’t be bros because you don’t even know me. I’m not the kind of person you would like to hang out with. So if you don’t mind…” he lays back down and looks pathetic. This won’t do.

You cross the room and lift his legs, he tries to kick you in the face at first but you just pin his calves with your hands and sit on the couch, resting his legs across your lap. He’s stiff and obviously doesn’t know what to do. But he doesn’t say anything. He also doesn’t push you away.

“Well, you and Vantas are bros, right?” he nods at you, but he has a suspicious look on his face. “And ME and Karkat are bros. so by default, we should get on fine.”

“I don’t think me and KK have the same taste in people. The fact that he even likes me being proof.”

“Wow dude. You sure have some self-confidence issues, huh.” He flinches and glares at you, you think he’s going to pull away. But he still doesn’t. “Karkat told me you two have been having some… problems.”

“Did KK send you here?”

“What no, he won’t even talk to me. He’s at Kankri’s house. Or… Kankri’s at his house? I forgot, it doesn’t matter.” You rest your elbow on his leg and your face on your fist. His legs are bony so it’s not very comfortable. “Do you know what’s going on with them?”

“I thought sibling bonding was a thing you humans did.”

“Oh, so… that’s it?”

“What. Did you think they were fucking?” He blinks twice, then starts laughing. “You did! Oh my god wait until I tell KK that you thought him and his ancestor were screwing! KV’s celibate, DV.” He’s still laughing, and you kind of want to laugh too.

“I never said I thought that. It’s just something I may have considered, because, of stuff…” you shake your head. “Nevermind. Anyway. Are you okay?”

He stops laughing so abruptly you worry that you’ve sad something very, very wrong. You consider that Karkat’s little stint on the memo board the other day was because of Sollux and him being unhappy with being a human. But then he lets out one last little chuckle and you relax. “I don’t know. I’m kind of hungry I guess. I haven’t eaten today. I don’t actually remember the last time I moved.” He looks across at his stereo system. “I put a playlist on repeat and then laid down. I think it’s been around at least three times now.”

“How many songs are on that playlist?”

“Only 5.”

“That’s not so bad.”

“They’re about half an hour long each.”

“Come on. We’re going out.”

…

“… And then my dream self woke up after FF kissed me, I guess. I was pissed at KK for being such an asshole about letting me die, and talking to me like that while I was ACTUALLY dying. But apparently he was crying when it happened. I was talking to future KK and he forgot all about it by then.”

“Wow dude, that sucks. Davesprite told me that TZ got an alternate John killed once. And there was the time that she told me to kill an alternate version of myself to get him god tier. At the time I thought that would make him the alpha Dave and me another doomed Dave, but since it wasn’t supposed to happen, I would’ve stayed the alpha Dave all along. It’s kind of hard to come to terms with though. She got me killed for no good reason. You know? Alternate me or not.”

“Yeah. TZ works in mysterious ways. I’m sure there was a reason though.”

“No, I mean, I know there was a lesson behind it. And I learned it. But it just- there were other ways around it. I guess.”

He laughs quietly and you give him a questioning look, he doesn’t seem to notice at first, drawback to wearing shades all the time. “Sorry. I just- the way KK talks about you, he makes it sound like your some big shot, know it all who gets everything right all the time and always knows what he’s doing. But you’re a huge dweeb.”

“Did you seriously just call me a ‘dweeb’?”

“eheh, yep.”

You wave him off and he laughs at you some more. “You make it sound like the guy worships me or something.”

“Would it help your ego if he did?” he has a weird look on his face, almost like he’s testing you, seeing how far he can push things.

“Nah. He’s not my type.” You lean forward and rest an elbow on the table of the café booth, you tilt your shades down and give Sollux a wink. He flinches and sits back a little in his seat.

“You’re weird. You know that?”

“Not as weird as you. I mean, what do you even do?”

“What do YOU even do?”

“Well I’ve been writing a lot of raps lately. You wanna hear something?”

“No.” He smiles though. You’re tempted to rap about him. But you think that’d be a little weird.

…

On the way back to his house he sort of drags his feet. You watch him, and he keeps looking at everyone else’s houses. There are a lot on the way back from the little café Jane had told you about. You wonder what the people here are like. You’ve met a few obviously. You have to go grocery shopping and there are people everywhere. But you haven’t actually talked to anyone outside of your group. Not that you’d need anyone else outside the 30 of you.

“Hey, you wanna come back to my place?”

He looks at you suspiciously. “Why?”

“To hang out. I’ve got shitty video games, snacks, hell I have a computer, you like computers right.”

“I’m not a pet. You can’t satisfy me by shoving technology in front of me.”

“Well that’s usually how I deal with Dirk. ‘Hi dude, how are you? Here’s some robot parts, knock yourself out’.” You do the hand gestures and everything. Sollux laughs.

“You are so fucking retarded. But sure. I don’t have anything else to do.”

“Awesome.”

“Sollux?” Huh, awkward.

“Hey KK.”

“What the fuck are you two doing together?”

“We just went on a date and now he’s taking me to an alleyway to deflower me and leave me, never to call again. We just went to get food. What’s it to you?”

“Wow. Fucking defensive. I was just asking, asswipe.”

“Okay well if you two are done, the alley awaits.” You probably shouldn’t encourage this. But Karkat is being touchy about you two innocently hanging out. And it’s not like there’s anything going on, so why not?

“Fuck the both of you. Fuck, why am I even friends with either of you?”

“Speaking of fucking, you know DV thought you and Kankri were screwing.” Oh yeah, oops.

“Why would it be any business of yours if we were.”

“Whoa wait, what?” you didn’t mean to say that out loud, that was supposed to stay in your head. Shock is not a friend to your pokerface. “You know incest is a thing now, right? And it’s generally frowned on by humans. I’m not judging. But-”

“Fuck you! And fuck you too Sollux. Just- fuck everyone. I’m going home. And I don’t want to speak to either of you any time soon.”

…

KARKAT [KK] started pestering SOLLUX [SC]

KK: THERE’S NOTHING GOING ON BY THE WAY.   
KK: I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT.   
KK: ARE YOU EVEN HERE?   
KK: FUCK, YOU’RE PROBABLY IGNORING ME. I DON’T BLAME YOU.   
KK: ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?  
SC: yeah.   
SC: dont worry about it.

You hope Karkat doesn’t notice that you messed up Sollux’ quirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are coming out really fast
> 
> i'm sad to say, don't always expect this many in big clumps, i'm a horrible person


	7. Kankri: Entertain the thought

“Thank you for everything. I apologise for taking up so much of your time recently, I know I must be wearing on your patience - and I’m not implying that you have a short attention span, I just feel as though I’ve been intruding in your personal space far too much.”

“No worries Kanks, anytime, you know that.”

Of all the people you could go to for advice, the last person you ever thought you would find yourself actively seeking out, was  _Dave Strider_. He is  _offensive_ , likes to  _pick on you in public_ , calls you _immature names_  and  _never tags his triggers_. However, he is one of the most caring people you have ever met. He has picked up the metaphorical baton that symbolises the leadership role in John’s absence and has been running with it very smoothly ever since.

“By the way-” He starts, but quickly seems to change the subject. “You’re cool with talking about human stuff I take it?” He sounds pensive. He starts pacing around the room once again. Dave has been watching his language and anything generally triggering that comes out of his mouth lately, out of respect for you, which you highly appreciate. You had blown up at him a few times when he didn’t tag something you found  _particularly_  triggering, he learned fast.

“Very much so. I find it rather fascinating actually.”

“Okay, well don’t take this the wrong way, alright?”

You raise a single eyebrow and tilt your head slightly; sometimes he does come out with some odd things. “I won’t know how  _not_  to take it if I don’t know what you are  _truly_  implying.”+

He opens his mouth, but it seems he doesn’t know what he was going to say, he abruptly stops walking and just completely freezes, at the angle you’re at you see him blinking quickly behind his sunglasses before he turns to you. “I- What?” He takes a few steps toward his futon and flops down next to you, which makes his leg bump into yours. “Sometimes I have no fucking clue what you’re even saying.”

“I meant, you can’t say ‘don’t take this the  _wrong_  way’, when I don’t even know what the _right_ way is.”

He removes his sunglasses and scrubs a hand over his face, his eyes scrunched shut and brow furrowed. “Okay look, just… Forget all of that.” He turns to look at you without putting his glasses back on, instead hooking them in the collar of his shirt, you told him last time you spoke that he looks better without them; you appreciate that he trusts you enough to let himself be vulnerable around you. “I just wanted to ask you something. Just, I don’t mean it in any  _weird_  way, but are quadrants still a _thing_? Seriously I mean. Because you can’t just stop using a system you guys have had your  _entire lives_ , can you?”

“Oh.” That is  _not_  a thing you expected him to ask. “Well as we’re not trolls anymore then technically there aren’t quadrants anymore, either. However, I suppose it’s just a way to express the way you feel about somebody. I have had people explain that they still feel pity towards people instead of, or  _as well_ as, normal human affection, and there are instances showing that caliginous feelings are still  _very much_  intact.”

His expression changes so slightly you hardly notice it, but he looks slightly more fed up than before. “So was that a  _yes_? We’ve got to get you a dictionary. The word is ‘yes’ Kankri, not, _whatever_  you just said. Paraphrase dude, fuck, you’re worse than Rose.”

You smile and raise your eyebrows. “That was indeed a ‘yes’.”

“Right, cool.  _So_ …” He’s tapping his fingers on one of his legs. He looks skittish, as if he can’t hold still for more than five seconds, but is trying _desperately_  not to move. 

“Was there something else?”

“Yeah, are we uhh…” He rubs at the back of his neck with the hand not tapping his leg.

“You may ask me anything, Dave. I believe it’s the least I can do after you’ve been so helpful to me.”

“Okay, I’m just gonna come straight out and ask. Are we in a quadrant? Because I  _think_  I remember Karkat saying something about not really asking each other, it just sort of _happens_  and you both just have a mutual understanding? Or am I completely off point… Because if I am then you can blame Vantas junior for-”

“Dave, _shoosh_.” You pat his shoulder to stop him from fidgeting. “Do you think we are?”

He shrugs. “I’d like to think after everything I’ve read, and heard from TZ and KK, that I know at least enough about quadrants to  _recognise_  one. But, I thought you didn’t personally do all that, or something, so I just took it as a normal human bromateship.”

You chuckle lightly. “ _Bromateship?_  Dave, did you make up a ‘human quadrant’?”

“Well yeah man, you know me. I’m all over this quadrant biz like no one else in the history of troll/human relations.”

“Alright, would you like to explain what a bromateship  _entails?_ ”

“Just being bros, you know…” He gestures randomly in the air with his hand. You shake your head at him to tell him that you  _do not_  ‘know’. He flops back into the futon some more and lets out a huge sigh as if you’re the most frustrating person ever. You know he doesn’t mean it. “Well like, just hanging out, talking about shit, being there for each other, but nowhere near as sappy as Moirail stuff.”

“’Sappy’? Are you referring to the  _papping_  and the umm-”

“The  **snuggles** , bro. I’m referring to the snuggles.”

You lean back into the futon as well, folding your arms and looking at him. He meets your eyes uneasily, you school your face into falsetto seriousness. “Are you trying to tell me that you are repulsed by the idea of ‘snuggles’ with me, Mr Strider?”

Dave snickers and puts his hands up in a defensive manner. “No way man! Trust me, there is _no one_  I would like to cuddle with more than you. You’re probably the only person around here that wouldn’t scratch my eyes out if I so much as touched them.” He puts a finger to his chin and holds a thoughtful pose for a few seconds. “Didn’t Karkat tell me you hated being touched?”

“I do.” You unfold your arms and lean your head back on the top of the futon to stare at the ceiling. “It’s a normal thing for trolls to not like being touched by anyone aside from a quadrantmate, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Although, I did have a rather strong distaste for physical contact… Before i was human… Perhaps I still do.”

You feel him shrug, then settle back to stare at the ceiling with you. “Yeah, sorry.

“Dave…” You turn to him, he has his eyes closed. “You were right about one thing.” He cracks one eye open to glance at you, slightly tilting his head. “I do _not_  normally _do_  quadrants. Nevertheless, this is  _not_  a normal situation. I would be quite happy to help you with any issues you’re having, and to be there for you. Moreover, I’m personally not too keen on just assuming you are in a quadrant with somebody just because you had a feelings jam with them or something of the like. I would prefer to acknowledge my partner – and I use the term ‘partner’ for lack of a better word, I don’t quite mean it, as it sounds _possessive_  – also I feel as though just claiming a quadrantmate without first checking if they’re alright with the situation sounds somewhat – and I’m sorry for this phrase as well – _non-consensual_.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s cool and all. But do you actually want to then? I mean, wait, that sounds weird…” He stares at the ceiling with meaning, searching, as if it holds all the problems to every existential problem in existence, the slightest puzzled expression creeping over his face, then neutralising again.

“Well, I’m not sure if your human ‘bromateship’ falls to the same standards as a troll Moirallegiance – and far be it from me to belittle your ideas, joking as you may have been – but-”

“ _Stop that_. Seriously, your background commentary gives me a headache. It’s pretty much **impossible**  to trigger me dude, we’ve been through this.”

You let out the breath you were holding from when he interrupted you, you’re getting used to him doing that. “Right, well then don’t blame me if I leave something untagged and do offend you unintentionally, I’m sorry in advance”. He nods as best as he can with his neck almost hanging over the back of the futon. “I believe your general human customs don’t quite include the same amount of, umm,  _affection_ , in the most parallel relationships.”

“Yeah man, I know, morails cuddle. We just talked about that, I get it. I mean, I’m not  _really_  a cuddly person, but… if it’s like, a thing you wanna do some time when you’re, well, needing the paps and all that, then I’ll be front line for the snuggle train, trust me.” He doesn’t take his eyes off of the ceiling, but for some reason that makes it seem more genuine.

“It’s alright, Dave. I’m not a particularly physical person myself. If anything, I’m probably the _worst_  choice for a Moirail. Karkat would be a much better choice, but, well… Let’s not go there.”

“Nah man, you need to pity someone for a Moirallegiance, I don’t pity him at all, he’s got his shit sorted. I mean it feels hells of offensive for me to say this, and hey, look! I’m tagging my triggers for you,  _tagging for_  ‘species differences’  _and_ ‘personal opinions’  _and ‘probably some other shit’._ ” He waves his hand in your face, you kind of jump, because you weren’t expecting it, and maybe you were falling asleep. “But… I pity you? I guess… I mean, I think it’s the good kind, not the bad kind, I just sort of, feel bad for you? I don’t wanna go into right now, but, yeah. Pity is a thing I’m feeling. And I like you as a bro and wanna help you through shit.”

You smile at him fondly. “Thank you. That means a lot.” He quickly glances at you, and he may be smiling back. You shuffle down into your seat so you can comfortably rest your head on his shoulder. You expect him to tense up, nudge you away or something negative to tell you that you’ve pushed him too far, but instead he just exhales and relaxes. “I pity you too.”

…

You are awoken by a bright light, a cold breeze and a familiar, yet uncharacteristically calm, _surprised_ , voice.

“What the fuck is going on in here?”

You open your eyes to see Karkat looming over you, you don’t remember going to sleep.

“Karkat?  What are you doing in-” you look around, right, you’re not at home. You’re in Dave’s house still. A glance to your left shows that at some point you shifted, or were moved, into a lying down position, and are now lying with your head resting on one of Dave’s legs.

Karkat stands there, arms crossed; you can  _hear_  him tapping his foot. Is he looking for an explanation? You are _way_  too tired to explain anything.

“Would you mind shutting the curtains?” You ask.

He snorts. “Why the fuck would I do that? What are you even doing here?”

You rub one of your eyes, you slept really well, and you just want to go back to sleeping. Sleeping was nice. “I’m tired, you woke me up. And I shall exercise my right to quadrant confidentiality, _if you don’t mind_.”

You shut your eyes again at some point, so you are oblivious to all the faces Karkat is pulling right now, confusion, realization, denial, other emotions which are hard to portray in expressions, it’s a shame you can’t see them, not that you’re in any state of wakefulness to appreciate Karkat’s subtle art of _facial expression_.

“Kankri. I’m going to give you five minutes. If you don’t get the fuck off of him by then-”

“What do you want?” You snap. You don’t _mean_  to, but he should know better than to bother you when you’re tired. You had lectured him on this particular trigger  _extensively_.

Dave shifts under you as you lift yourself up, but doesn’t wake up. His neck is still at an awkward angle, so you take a cushion and place it behind his neck. Karkat glares at you the entire time.

“Care to tell me what’s actually going on? Or am I going to be the last person to find out you have a… What did Dave call it, a ‘boyfriend’?”

You scratch your head; your hair feels a mess. “It’s not like  _that_. Excuse my lack of appropriate tags, it’s a little early… But you wouldn’t understand.”

“It’s not early you douchebag. It’s 3pm. You’ve been sleeping,  **with Dave** , all afternoon.” He glances between the two of you, you’re resting against him because he’s warm and Karkat let a lot of the heat out of the room when he came in. “So… Explain yourself.”

“Could we not speak about this please? I would very much appreciate it.”

“Oh okay, so I walk in to find you both  _post-coital_ , and you expect me to just ignore that.  _You know he’s been trying it on with Captor right?_ ” His tone suddenly goes from incredulous to sounding like he forgot he left the oven on.

You close your eyes and groan. “It’s not ‘post-coital’, and I’m rather offended that you think I would abandon my vow in such a short span of time!” Dave flinches slightly in his sleep when you raise your voice. You take a deep breath in, and then let it out slowly.

“Okay, so you’re not denying that’s almost what this is though. This  _is_  a general human romantic situation.”

“I am indeed denying it. This is a completely  _pale_  ‘situation’.”

He scoffs. “ _Pale_ , huh?”

You narrow your eyes at him, challenging. “Yes it is. We are Moirails. Do you have any problems with that?”

“No. Actually, I’m happy for you. Now if you don’t mind, wake him up. I need him.”

You just sit there staring at him for a few moments, you almost forget how to speak. Almost.

“You’re-  _happy_  about that?”

“Of course I am. I think Moirallegiance is an important thing, even if we are humans. And you are in  **desperate**  need of one. I thought you were trying to get _me_  to go pale for you at one point.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, and you suppose it’s not.

“I think I was. Sorry about that.”

“It’s alright. For the record… I would have, if it wasn’t for…”

“I understand.” You give him a small smile. “Thank you Karkat.”

You don’t even _ask_  what he needs him for, just chuckle when he puts Dave’s sunglasses on his own face and flicks him on the nose, then you act oblivious and innocent when Dave wakes up rubbing his face and squinting at Karkat in his ‘shades’, and he clings to you when Karkat tries to physically drag him off.

…

CRONUS [CR] started pestering KANKRI [KV] 

CR: hey.  
CR: are you there?  
CR: i just wanted to apologize for yesterday.   
CR: i dont know what came over me.   
KV: Alcohol, Cronus. That is what happens when you get inebriated. All of your inhibitions are forgotten and you do silly, regrettable things.   
KV: Like trying to kiss your friends without their consent.   
CR: ouch, alright.   
CR: I get it.   
CR: look…  
CR: i REALLY DO regret it, okay?   
CR: im sorry that happened and it will never happen again.   
CR: i promise.   
KV: I suppose I shall just have to trust you. But I must insist as your friend that you should not drink anymore. It’s a very bad idea.   
KV: What if I had decided that you were giving me consent to do something more? What if I took advantage of you in your state of intoxication, Cronus?   
CR: is that an offer? 

KANKRI [KV] blocked CRONUS [CR]

You’ll apologize for blocking him later.

Perhaps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not even sorry for Davekri


End file.
